Because the title is long, I simply call this book Faith when casually referring to it. I’ve tried to make this a simple story. And that’s because in my estimation life can be beautifuly simple and simply beautiful when you link to God, to Jesus, and the Holy Spirit as I have come to do. I don’t believe anyone would have you believe that life never gets painfully complicated at times. But the solutions to grievous problems often can only lie in the hands of God and those allied with Him.
So, this is my account of two years from the day the gynecologist told me I had a “small growth on my uterine wall and it is cancerous.” This after a regular yearly physical after which he called and cheerfully told me to “worry no more. Your test is clear. You don’t have cancer, so you can be happy.” Happy? I felt lightheaded, weightless with happiness. Two of my grandparents had died of colon cancer, and I simply felt this was my fate. So this was a reprieve from the scourge I had always felt I would suffer. You bet I was happy.
Ten days later, he called that night and in a dead voice told me, “I’m afraid I have bad news. The tests were re-evaluated and you do have cancer.” I was numb. This particular doctor was not an effusive man and he offered no word of solace. He simply said, “Please see Doctor X as soon as possible.” He hung up.
I stood half frozen. The nightmare was upon me cold and deadly. I didn’t cry. I coouldn’t cry. Oh no, I had “pretty good” faith and felt I had prayed my way out of many illnesses One such illness was what my primary physician felt might be thyroid cancer. With great hope I set out with prayers, felt I had the ear of God. A writer friend had told me I pray “powerful prayers.” I had prayed with all my heart when she had a serious illness. By the time I got to the specialist, dragging my feet before doing so, the small nodule had disappeared. You may scoff and say it never was cancer, and maybe so. But remember, it might have been.
All right, I didn’t see the recommeded docotor. If you can believe this, for six monthhs I “doctored” on myself with red clover extract several times a day and felt I was surely getting better and better. I was happy, diagnosed cancer or not. Maybe the tests were wrong. Maybe some surgeon wanted another big payday and I was his way to it. I just didn’t believe it. They were flat out lying I told myself.
But I had to take note of the fact that my prayers had not gone well this time. I couldn’t seem to pray as I had before from childhood. What was happening? What was going on? I just had faith in me. Almighty me. Surely God would not desert me now.
So this is my story that moves on to six months later, I would guess playing God to myself and glorying in it, Then suddenly I began to feel sicker and consulted the surgeon who ordered new tests. The results? This 10mm cancer had doubled in size in six months. I told the surgeon I would think it over. Actually I had every intention of dying. I hated the thought of going through chemotherapy, radiation and other horrors I had seen my friend to through It was settled in my heart, or so I thought. I would just die and be rid of all this dread and nausea.
The rest of this story tells you of a strange, strange transformation that swiftly began to take place in me. Things I began to see that I had not realized. Writing I still longed to do. But the wish to die also persisted, lessening steadily. But it was strong enough to be still with me the day I went under the knife. I know now that God was with me in the deepest recesses of my heart. And even now I cry as I write this.In telling friends about this, I always laugh gleefully and say, “I got religion in a hurry!” And I did. The kind that changes you completely. I have always been spiritual rather than truly religious and I remain that way. But I notice that this is always the way I quote it. The surgeon told me some frightening news about my best friend that he’d seen when she was too far gone to treat.
The first excerpt will appear in ten days to two weeks and at that interval thereafter. Please remember that this is a finished DRAFT and should be free of major errors.In ensuing excerpts, some of this may be repeated. Bear with me.
I like sharing my story about this deepened transformation with others because it will help some to see God with brighter vision and deepened feelings. And that is what I want most of all!